The Words shared by My Father That Helped Me during my time as a New Dad

"In my view I was just in survival mode for a year."

Former Made In Chelsea cast member Ryan Libbey expected to cope with the difficulties of fatherhood.

However the actual experience soon proved to be "utterly different" to what he pictured.

Severe health complications during the birth saw his partner Louise hospitalised. Abruptly he was pushed into acting as her main carer while also looking after their newborn son Leo.

"I handled each nighttime feed, each diaper… every stroll. The duty of both mum and dad," Ryan shared.

After nearly a year he reached burnout. That was when a chat with his parent, on a bench in the park, that made him realise he needed help.

The simple words "You aren't in a good spot. You need assistance. In what way can I assist you?" opened the door for Ryan to speak honestly, ask for help and regain his footing.

His experience is far from unique, but rarely discussed. Although society is now more accustomed to talking about the strain on moms and about PND, not enough is spoken about the challenges new fathers go through.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to seek assistance

Ryan believes his struggles are linked to a wider inability to talk among men, who often absorb negative perceptions of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the fortress that just gets hit and stays upright with each wave."

"It is not a display of weakness to request help. I failed to do that fast enough," he clarifies.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher who studies mental health surrounding childbirth, explains men often don't want to acknowledge they're having a hard time.

They can think they are "not justified to be seeking help" - most notably in front of a mum and baby - but she emphasises their mental state is equally important to the family.

Ryan's chat with his dad provided him with the chance to take a break - taking a short trip overseas, outside of the domestic setting, to see things clearly.

He came to see he had to make a adjustment to pay attention to his and his partner's emotional states alongside the logistical chores of caring for a newborn.

When he shared with Louise, he discovered he'd failed to notice "what she was yearning" -holding her hand and listening to her.

'Parenting yourself

That realisation has transformed how Ryan sees parenthood.

He's now writing Leo regular notes about his feelings as a dad, which he hopes his son will read as he matures.

Ryan believes these will enable his son to more fully comprehend the vocabulary of emotional life and interpret his parenting choices.

The notion of "parenting yourself" is something artist Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four.

During his childhood Stephen lacked stable male parenting. Even with having an "amazing" connection with his dad, deep-held difficult experiences caused his father struggled to cope and was "present intermittently" of his life, making difficult their connection.

Stephen says suppressing emotions led him to make "bad choices" when in his youth to change how he felt, turning in drink and drugs as a way out from the hurt.

"You gravitate to behaviours that aren't helpful," he explains. "They can short-term modify how you are feeling, but they will in the end cause more harm."

Tips for Getting By as a New Dad

• Share with someone - when you are overwhelmed, confide in a trusted person, your other half or a professional how you're feeling. It can help to ease the pressure and make you feel less alone.
• Keep up your interests - continue with the things that allowed you to feel like you before the baby arrived. It could be going for a run, seeing friends or a favourite hobby.
• Don't ignore the physical health - a good diet, getting some exercise and if you can, resting, all contribute in how your mind is doing.
• Meet other new dads - sharing their stories, the messy ones, as well as the good ones, can help to validate how you're experiencing things.
• Know that seeking help is not failure - prioritising yourself is the most effective way you can care for your loved ones.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen understandably found it hard to accept the passing, having had no contact with him for a long time.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's committed not to "repeat the pattern" with his boy and instead provide the safety and nurturing he lacked.

When his son threatens to have a tantrum, for example, they try "shaking the feelings out" together - expressing the emotions constructively.

Each of Ryan and Stephen state they have become more balanced, healthier men because they acknowledged their issues, altered how they communicate, and taught themselves to control themselves for their sons.

"I am now more capable of… processing things and managing things," says Stephen.

"I put that down in a letter to Leo recently," Ryan says. "I wrote, sometimes I feel like my purpose is to guide and direct you how to behave, but actually, it's a dialogue. I am discovering as much as you are through this experience."